Sent with a raised glass…

It was never my intention to be the mother who tried to do it all. I grew up watching working mothers of the 80s burn themselves out before the age of 40. But slowly over the last year my consulting practice has grown and I have become a full time working mother who has one child still home every afternoon. Most days I function in denial about how it really isn’t possible to get it all done and I get up at 5am or continue working after the kids go to bed. My goal over the last 6 months has been to pass in the world as part time working mother who is still able to orient her focus to be mainly on her children while managing some big contracts and projects. Sprinkle over that some community volunteerism and life looks balanced, rewarding, and just full enough.

But the truth is…I wake up at 5am or earlier everyday…drink a pot of coffee (or more) by 9am…have more to do lists then pages in war and peace…and some days give the best of myself to my job and end up asleep by 8pm.

I am not going to lie down on the couch and give you all the explanations for how this come to be. I can attribute it to a childhood pact I made with myself, social pressures, and how I am wired.  Normally it all goes sort of smoothly, mainly due to the supportive and family-focused man I married, a great set of friends and little sleep. Except in December….

Going on 3 years now, try as I might, December is the month that brings me to my knees. At least once a week the tears come and I silently scream – FUCK! I really cannot do it all. This December is no different. December is the month where work open houses fall at the same time as school sing-alongs, book club get-togethers happen on the same night as piano recitals, and even in the midst of all the festivities companies still need consulting.

Today I was leaving the school after volunteering for the schools Holiday Emporium and I saw a mother in a mini-van speeding towards the school. Driving faster than the school zone speed limit she pulls up 20 minutes late for school, her kids jump out, she throws them a kiss and her head falls to the steering wheel and I imagine she’s either sleeping or crying. I think to myself – THAT IS ME. That is my metaphor for motherhood in December.

So, I raise a toast to all you over committed mothers trying to do it all in December.  Please know you are not alone. January will be here soon.

You Don’t Have to Swing at Every Pitch

My dad took me to lots of Blue Jay baseball games when I was growing up. I am not a baseball expert, but I do understand an important element of the game: deciding if/when to swing. The pitcher throws and the batter has to decide whether it is a good pitch. It’s coming across the plate and if it’s in the sweet spot and the batter knows he/she can hit it: swing! If it isn’t right or the pitch is poor the batter won’t chance it.

How many times in our lives are we presented with the opportunity to swing at, or step back from, what life sends our way? The pitches are always coming – career opportunities, relationships, professional development, family, education, etc. and your job as batter for your life is to know what to swing at and when. To understand what your sweet spot is, what an ideal pitch is for you. A lot of opportunities come up and of course you want to swing at the right ones, the ones that get you the furthest into the outfield. Sometimes, like in the real game of baseball, you don’t get all the time in the world to decide and timing is everything. If you hesitate, you strike out; if you are too aggressive, same result.

So, how do you know when to swing? Professional ball players spend years honing their instincts to the game and they are pros because of all that practice, commitment, and skill has made what they do so well appear natural. As professionals in our own right, we need to spend time doing the same thing. Instead of swinging bats and throwing balls, we are always re-evaluating our values, visions, and goals. We ask ourselves: What do I value the most? Then we add and delete these values from our “Non-Negotiable” career planning list as our life evolves. Such a list will support you in your decisions, provide you with ready and familiar knowledge for when it is swing or step aside time. You will be ready and know what to do because you have taken the time to put in writing what it is exactly you are looking for based on what matters to you most. A non-negotiables list prepares you to recognize the “perfect pitch.”

Non-negotiables might include: hours you would like to work, work environment, and location of position. People come up with vastly different non-negotiables like: I want to be able to bike to work; I want to make ‘x’ amount of money; I want to be able to travel; I want to have creativity in my work; I want to work for a big company; I want to work for myself. Think in terms of what you want (not what you don’t want) and create your list in the positive. Our time is too important to spend on what we don’t want and neither does this focus help us clarify what we do. It keeps us thinking in the negative which is the last place it serves us to be.

Whether you are searching for a new career, job, professional opportunity, or just want to shake life up a little, start with your non-negotiables. Then get ready to swing.

Your Champions

I have a few friends who whenever I am with, I come up with big ideas. Some I follow through with, some I don’t. Regardless, when I walk away from them, I feel alive and full of creative energy. What is it about some people that ignites us?

I call the creative champions in my life “my tribe.” They are the people who I feel at my best with and who remind me of what is important. When I get in scarcity mode they remind me to be abundant. They remind me (sometimes gently and sometimes firmly) that I am enough, do enough and that there is enough to go around. They are the people who, regardless of what happens in the future, will support me.

This weekend I was having a crisis of confidence and I phoned my friend Shannon. In the morning she reminded me of my role in the world and validated how I was feeling. In the evening she called to check-in and reminded me of this powerful quote by Richard Bach:

In the path of our happiness shall we find the learning for which we have chosen this lifetime …walk your own path, as you please.

Who are your creative champions? Who forms your tribe? Who are the people that safeguard your ideas? Who cheers you on? When life gets turbulent, know who they are and seek them out. Ask them: “What am I good at? What do you see as my strengths? What do you see that I might not? When do you notice that I am my most vibrant?”

When in doubt – put out the call to your tribe. Ask them to rally around you, brainstorm with you, to stay with you, to be patient with you. Tell them what you need; ask them what they think. And then, when life settles down again – treat them to tea!

The Change Up with Senz Hamilton

I have always admired Senz and her passionate pursuits. Throughout my time of knowing Senz she has worked as baker of beautiful cakes (she baked the cupcakes for my wedding), opened a successful restaurant and recently went back to school to follow her passion for nursing. I am happy to feature Senz in my first “Change Up” interview as it takes great courage to start a BSN at the of age 37 and pursue a new career direction.

Senz Hamilton

Senz, tell us about your current profession or position?

I am a Registered Nurse in Oncology.

Why does this career path make you jump out of bed in the morning and get you excited for growth?

I worked in the service industry for over 20 years, in just about every area of food service and retail. I have always loved working with people and providing products or services that enhance people’s lives. My contributions usually involved the pleasures of food. Ten years ago I was ready for (yet) another career change after a business partnership ended poorly and left me disillusioned with the restaurant business. At the same time my grandfather had severe congestive heart failure and I was spending a lot of time with him in his nursing home. I loved the company of the elders in the home and began to think about working in elder care. The prospect of entering the 4-year nursing degree program in my late 30s was daunting so I took an 8-month care aide certificate course and began to work in long term care. The RNs who taught the course encouraged me to pursue further education and opened my eyes to the wide variety of nursing roles available.

So at 37 I entered the nursing BSN program. I had my final practicum at the BC Cancer Agency and fell in love with cancer care; it is a mix of curative, palliative, and chronic care that challenges me both mentally and emotionally. I work with an amazing team of people and am inspired daily by the courage of my clients and colleagues as they face the unknown road ahead

So what criteria or qualities are essential to be the best at what you do?

Success in nursing means caring for people as whole beings going through one of the most challenging experiences a person can face. On a day-to-day basis, my job involves using specialized knowledge to assess patients, plan care based on that assessment, and perform any required tasks with skill.

My goal is to approach each patient and family with openness and non-judgement and try to meet them where they are at in their journey. I aim to be flexible in the care I provide and to support people to make decisions about their health care that are in line with their own values and beliefs. This requires compassion and empathy for my clients and their families, as well as for my colleagues and myself, as we attempt to provide excellent care in the current economically-stressed environment of health care. This is often the most challenging part of our job and creates stress when we not able to provide the standard of care we aim for due to resource constraints. This requires self awareness of the stressors I face and doing my own self care practices to cope with them.

Tell us about your worst “work-mare” position and what you took away from it?

When I first moved to Victoria at 24 I had three part time jobs to make ends meet. One was in a high-end clothing shop downtown. There was no training about where the clothes came from or why we chose to sell them. The clientele were wealthy older women I couldn’t identify with at the time. I was being paid minimum wage and couldn’t afford the wear the clothes I was selling and the pace was extremely slow – frankly, I was bored. I didn’t work there for long and learned I needed to believe in the product or service I was providing and to be challenged by the work I was doing.

What has been the job you have enjoyed the most and what did you learn from it?

I’ve been fortunate to have the ability to choose where I work and have thus enjoyed most of my jobs. Maybe that’s why I have changed so many times; whenever I stopped learning from one job and enjoying it, I would either get myself promoted or move on to the next job.
The consistent things have been the desire to provide quality service and value, to constantly be learning, and to work with amazing people.

Thanks Senz for taking the time to chat with us today.

Looking to make your own career change? Come see me at www.jocelincaldwell.com for further career transition information.

Linked In For Job Search

In the past two months I have attended two LinkedIn workshop sessions with Victoria based social media guru, Juhli Selby. I am excited to share with you her top five tips for using LinkedIn for a successful job search. Drum roll, please….

Top Tip #1 – Ensure you have a professional photo on your profile. Julie recommends a proper head and shoulder shot.

Top Tip #2 – Ask people for recommendations. Use the recommendation section as mini letters of reference from your colleagues and supervisor so people viewing your profile get a sense of what your strengths are.

Top Tip #3 – Use LinkedIn like a Rolodex. If you are young enough to not know what that is, then think of it as a massive contact database. The more contacts you have, the better networked you will be.

Top Tip #4 – LinkedIn is one of the best ways to research companies of interest. “Follow” companies to gain further information or join relevant groups that people in the companies are a part of.

Top Tip #5 – Use accurate keywords in your headline. Your headline section is the first and only thing people will see when they conduct a search on the LinkedIn database. Ensure you have captured your key message and career objectives in your headline.

If you would like me to view your LinkedIn profile and offer feedback as to its effectiveness, please contact me. Happy networking!

10 Things You Should Know About Informational Interviews – Informational Interviews Part Two

The last post Stop Spinning Your Career Search Wheels – Informational Interviews Part One explained why an informational interview is effective. So now you know the “why” here are some top tips to help you with the “how” of the informational interview.

1. Come prepared with a 30 second elevator pitch on who you are and why you are there. See my earlier blog post Riding in an Elevator with Your Future CEO who some further information an your personal marketing statement.
2. Never directly ask for a job – the purpose of the informational interview is to find out more about the company and the position. It is used to identify if the field, position and company are a good match for you.
3. Research the company and the position.
4. Come prepared to take notes.
5. Bring your resume and ask for feedback.
6. Develop a list of questions. You are the one in control of this type of interview. Pick out four or five questions. Some examples:

What is your job like?

How would you describe a typical day?

What do you like most about your job? Least?

What jobs and experience have led to your present employment?

Are there expectations outside work hours?

What is the best way to enter this occupation?

1. Be aware of the time. Most informational interviews last 20-30 minutes.
2. Ask if you may stay in contact and follow up. It is always good to stay connected with people.
3. Always send a thank you note (email is fine)
4. Always get referrals – ask if there are other people in the industry that may be helpful to talk with.