I've been ‘Big Magicked’!

My Superhero Pose blog was going to be very different…I originally wrote it on April 21 and was going to post it after I had my hair done on May 15. I had the visual all planned out, arms out, hair perfect, eyes blazing confidently into my new future. Truly being my own superhero.

Then I was at my hair appointment and mentioned my blog post to my hairdresser, Candis, and how I wanted her to take a picture of me to include with my post. She said,  “Oh, did you write your blog based on the video that Danielle LaPorte posted today?” I was stunned and had to go look it up. Sure enough, there is a now viral video about a teacher who encouraged her students to stand in a superhero pose before they write an exam.

The next day I told my friend, Jody, about the blog. She is my first reviewer and editor of most things I post, and she had worked on my original post back in April.  “You’ve been ‘Big Magicked’!” she said, and then went on to remind me of a theory Elizabeth Gilbert puts forward in her book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. Gilbert says:

“When an idea thinks it has found somebody – say, you – who might be able to bring it into the world, the idea will pay you a visit. It will try to get your attention. Mostly, you will not notice. This is likely because you’re so consumed by your own dramas, anxieties, distractions, insecurities, and duties that you aren’t receptive to inspiration.

You might miss the signal because you’re watching TV, or shopping, or brooding over how angry you are at somebody, or pondering your failures and mistakes, or just generally really busy. The idea will try to wave you down (perhaps for a few moments; perhaps for a few months; perhaps even for a few years), but when it finally realises that you’re oblivious to its message, it will move on to someone else.”

So, there you have it, I missed the idea for my post today because I waited to have nice hair for the blog shot…Good thing it wasn’t a brilliant idea for a novel.

Just in case you interested, here is my original blog.

I always get nervous before I facilitate large groups. Because I have done this regularly as part of my work for the past 20 years, I needed strategies to help calm my nerves and boost my confidence. As a die-hard Greys Anatomy fan, I would adopt the same superhero pose (in private) that the surgeons would strike before they embarked on a major surgery: hands on hips, chest proud, eyes ahead. I would tell myself “You got this, Jocelin” and then walk into the room ready to take it on.

As a believer in meaningful work, and as a career coach who has spent years supporting others in making meaningful career decisions, I couldn’t ignore that this new position was not working. So, I decided that I must move on. That job in that company will be a perfect fit for someone – it was not for me.

Once I acknowledged this truth, I needed to act on it. Cue superhero pose. Here I am, facing my unknown professional future, a bundle of nervous energy, but grounded in being my own superhero. I am looking up and ahead, ready to re-imagine my work as being something that fits again.

The Takeaway: More important now than the superhero pose: I have been big magicked once – it won’t happen again.

Yes! Moments.

Part of a job search or deciding to change careers involves taking a look our past accomplishments. Typically, I ask coaching clients to outline work and accomplishment stories that we can later feature on resumes or in interviews. These stories often times hold the clues to what the person excels at, why they like the work they do, or, in other words, what lights them up.

What do I mean by accomplishment stories? Not just the times where you got accolades in a performance review but your “Yes” moments. Yes, I am good! Yes, I love my work! Yes, this is what was meant to be.

When you are looking at what you want to do next with your day job what matters more than what you’ve accomplished is what really lights you up. When in your life have you been strong? On fire? In the zone? What were you doing when you felt this? When have you felt a sense of pride and known you have done something well?

Examples from my life:

LIVING ALONE FOR THE FIRST TIME – I graduated from university and chose to live by myself in Vancouver with no roommates and no cable. This was a big deal for me as I am a highly social person who had (sometimes still has) difficulties being alone. What I learned during that living alone year in Vancouver is that I did not mind spending time on my own and I really did enjoy my own company. I developed hobbies and tried to spend quality time with myself. I worked through “the Artist Way.” I read more, wrote, and did lots of other creative projects. This lit me up as I really enjoyed the amount of time I spent being creative.

ACTING IN LIVE THEATRE – Up until I was 17, I took singing, dancing and acting lessons. The best part I got was playing Peter Pan. I loved acting and being on stage. For a long time, this was something I wanted to do as a career. Singing now still lights me up. Even if it’s just the Indigo Girls as a bedtime song or 80’s music as I drive to work.

MANAGING A TEAM AT AN EMPLOYMENT CENTRE – I am proud of the team I managed and the relationships I had with my staff. What lit me up? The relationships I built with people and the goals we achieved as a team. I tried to always work with integrity and respect even in difficult downsizing situations.

What do these stories say about me: I need a job where I can be creative, relationships are important to me and sometimes I still like to take the stage.

Now it’s your turn. Reflect on the proud moments you have had in your life and describe what you were doing – get specific about the situation that made you feel proud. It doesn’t matter whether these are professional or personal. In fact, don’t limit them to only professional endeavors. What matters is that you recognize and reflect on times you felt strong and bright from the inside out. Then, you go and do more of that.

Now what? How does this relate to what you want to do in your work and, more importantly, in your life? Make a list of career and life ‘must haves’: freedom to be creative, working alone or on a team, relationships are paramount, family, time with friends, a pet, hobbies, etc.

Take this list and start sketching out what your life and work looks like with these must haves in it. Structure your day, even if for now it is just in your imagination, around these values, and see what you come up with. Take this list/sketch to a coach to help you dream this into being.

Taming Our Limiting Beliefs

I work with an executive who is making six figures and supporting her family as a single mother, and has a value around stability, but she hates her job but really believes that she can’t leave it because of her family. Her perception is that she cannot make a VP salary at any other company. This is what she says stands in in her way of moving into fulfilling work.

Is this true? She asks… No, in watching the labor market and knowing her skills, education and background. My career coach instinct says this is not true. But we agree it is her limiting belief.

Of course, people who live in glass houses….

I also have limiting beliefs. I have wrestled constantly with my beliefs around being a working mother. I have limiting beliefs about my freedom being self-employed vs working inside a company.

Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we do not think, do or say the things that they inhibit.

We may have beliefs about rights, duties, abilities, permissions and so on. Limiting beliefs are often about ourselves and our self-identity. The beliefs may also be about other people and the world in general.

In any case, they sadly limit us.

Let’s look at eliminating beliefs and fear. Here are some simple steps:

1. Normalize your fear. Everyone has gremlins, inner critics and limiting beliefs. We all have them. This is what they sound like. These are the kinds of things they say to you. They say ‘you’re never going to get a job this good’ or ‘at your age, who’s going to hire you’. Or you can never make that kind of money doing xyz.

2. Shine a light on the critic, the limiting belief. When we shine a light on our particular variety of those critics and exactly what they’re saying to us we have some power around them and we have some choice around them. She could decide to stay at that job and that’s an absolutely okay choice, but choosing to stay and honoring her value of stability above all else is now a choice because she’s shined a light on the limiting belief and she’s named it and there’s power in that. She can powerfully choose that for herself and her family.

3. Learn how to quiet the gremlin. How do we move past them or around them? How do we work with them? I don’t think you get rid of them. They tend to diffuse when they get a little air time.

FIELD WORK: FIELD WORK: What your signature inner critic sound? What is the belief that you’re holding? How do you know if that’s true? Wanna chat it through? Give me a call.